The only other category I would include is around cleanliness. Things like -
Shoes on in the house or shoes off? Wipe counters after every use, or just at the end of the day? Shoes straight when put back every time? Regularly assigned household chores or do them as needed? And so on.
This is so stupid. Just be with each other if you want. That's all that matters. Fuck shit like this. A relationship is not between two objects. It's between two people. Stop making dating and relationships like some product match/mismatch. Either you love your partner/partners and want to be with them or you don't. Very simple. And you just talk about issues and make things work. Stop treating your partner/partners as an object/objects. Stop this American bullshit that is a disease to the world and just inhumane and toxic thinking
Interesting. Well, we got married nearly 50 years ago. One brief interview in which we told our histories and done. (A lot of the questions in the list would not have applied to us; there weren’t even cell phones and we were dirt poor.)
We spent a while learning to live with each other’s quirks, habits and fundamental personalities, and have been spending the time since making whatever compromises necessary for “compatibility”, and dealing with everything that has arisen, from kids to illnesses, and everything else.
Love, way more important than sex or physical attraction, is the foundation. The primary principle is communication for the best understanding of each other possible.
We want US to win, and with that in mind, we’ve solved just about everything we need to stay happy together, now in our dotage.
I could come up with 100 reasons why most people would lie in answering questions of such consequential import. But most of those reasons would probably qualify as venal. However, here are 5 very formidable reasons why most people may not/cannot be wholly honest when faced with such ocd-like interrogative mating behavior:
1. The not infrequent conflict between desire (what the heart wants) and rationality (what the mind says). "I want her so much and don't care even if I have to play a subtle one with the truth."
2. The need to safeguard one's image or be spared of embarrassment in the event of incompatibility. Some of the questions are just too intrusive such that it only makes sense to answer them fully and truthfully if compatibility is guaranteed.
3. The limitation imposed by the unconscious: you can only reveal the part of you that you're aware of.
4. The limitation imposed by a deficiency or deficit in metacognitive skill. Number 3 is one of the consequences of 4.
5. The limitation of the inexhaustibility of ways a relationship could go wrong. There's often some nontrivial gap between actual and imagined reality. We're not omniscient.
6. Because of number 5, the questions each person thought important to ask are merely a reflection of their own biases, insecurities, and wishes. It says nothing about the dynamics that are likely to play out in the context of the real relationship.
Now, all of these may not apply to you and Jay, and both of you may just have been as honest as best you could, and I imagine you're both having a loving relationship since this canticle of compatibility was first enacted; my point is that, on the whole, it's a tad too many questions and perhaps majority of people will be better of following their good 'ol instinct.
The only other category I would include is around cleanliness. Things like -
Shoes on in the house or shoes off? Wipe counters after every use, or just at the end of the day? Shoes straight when put back every time? Regularly assigned household chores or do them as needed? And so on.
This is so stupid. Just be with each other if you want. That's all that matters. Fuck shit like this. A relationship is not between two objects. It's between two people. Stop making dating and relationships like some product match/mismatch. Either you love your partner/partners and want to be with them or you don't. Very simple. And you just talk about issues and make things work. Stop treating your partner/partners as an object/objects. Stop this American bullshit that is a disease to the world and just inhumane and toxic thinking
Interesting. Well, we got married nearly 50 years ago. One brief interview in which we told our histories and done. (A lot of the questions in the list would not have applied to us; there weren’t even cell phones and we were dirt poor.)
We spent a while learning to live with each other’s quirks, habits and fundamental personalities, and have been spending the time since making whatever compromises necessary for “compatibility”, and dealing with everything that has arisen, from kids to illnesses, and everything else.
Love, way more important than sex or physical attraction, is the foundation. The primary principle is communication for the best understanding of each other possible.
We want US to win, and with that in mind, we’ve solved just about everything we need to stay happy together, now in our dotage.
Good luck!
I could come up with 100 reasons why most people would lie in answering questions of such consequential import. But most of those reasons would probably qualify as venal. However, here are 5 very formidable reasons why most people may not/cannot be wholly honest when faced with such ocd-like interrogative mating behavior:
1. The not infrequent conflict between desire (what the heart wants) and rationality (what the mind says). "I want her so much and don't care even if I have to play a subtle one with the truth."
2. The need to safeguard one's image or be spared of embarrassment in the event of incompatibility. Some of the questions are just too intrusive such that it only makes sense to answer them fully and truthfully if compatibility is guaranteed.
3. The limitation imposed by the unconscious: you can only reveal the part of you that you're aware of.
4. The limitation imposed by a deficiency or deficit in metacognitive skill. Number 3 is one of the consequences of 4.
5. The limitation of the inexhaustibility of ways a relationship could go wrong. There's often some nontrivial gap between actual and imagined reality. We're not omniscient.
6. Because of number 5, the questions each person thought important to ask are merely a reflection of their own biases, insecurities, and wishes. It says nothing about the dynamics that are likely to play out in the context of the real relationship.
Now, all of these may not apply to you and Jay, and both of you may just have been as honest as best you could, and I imagine you're both having a loving relationship since this canticle of compatibility was first enacted; my point is that, on the whole, it's a tad too many questions and perhaps majority of people will be better of following their good 'ol instinct.